I’ve always thought the death of baby birds was
sadder than finding the heart of a cat’s kill
feathers indicate one went down fighting
but the baby bird just went down
jumped too soon (jumped the gun and the nest)

As a child, I had to recognize that sometimes
people hurt people
because they love:
(he moved because he needed the job, but I still cried
the entire month he was gone filling elementary journals
with where’s daddy where’s daddy why did he go)
and sometimes
people hurt people
because they don’t:
(I heard about a husband who threw his wife into a tree shredder
now I can only listen to the sounds of machinery at work and
the cries of trees rent asunder and think
what did his wife sound like?)

At a young age I learned that
old dogs, in fact, don’t learn new tricks and
sometimes they die overnight like grandparents
We can easily mistake death for sleep, but
that Saturday morning my dog was dead dead dead
had finally given up when everything gave out
but I didn’t know I didn’t know and I can’t be blamed

Once, I found out I had a relative only after the fact
Going to his wake, open casket and attendance, I looked at him
wondered what the deceased felt like
I still don’t know because I reached out and pulled back
I didn’t know him I didn’t know him and
I still think about it and feel ashamed

And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to shake
the intense melancholy that came upon learning
we will never truly touch;
on the smallest level of existence
we are only electrons that repel